Still safe...

Back in Delhi after 2 great nights in Amritsar. People were so friendly and helpful. Not sure if it was the Golden Temple or the Diwali celebrations that drew many Indian (and Western) tourists to the area, but it was a lovely mix of people.

We have caught a couple of trains now despite rip off tour agents telling us they were unsafe...There are just as many thieves at the bus stations (and in the tourist agents office for that matter). The thing I do find most confronting about the public transport is the seeing the 'real face' of India and the conditions of which many Indians have to live in. I hate seeing it...But I know I have to, otherwise I could continue denying their existence. I cant begin to describe. Almost have to see to believe. The amount of severely deformed people is one that I never anticipated. As a Nurse I know that for these people, managing day to day tasks like eating and toileting would most difficult and then throw in the conditions in which they live (ie:pedestrian strip on the side of the road with a piece of wood to slide around on so as they don't scrape their ass on the ground as they try to move down the street), it would be near impossible. But they manage. For sure their are some that are conns and you see them sliding around, begging for money then walk off 5 minutes later... Im not talking about those. I saw one man in particular in Jammu...his upper torso twisted 90 degrees to the right of his lower body (if that makes sense) and legs curled under him. Like some form of cystic fibrosis. I do not know how he could breath. His lung capacity drastically reduced with the lack of flexibility of his intercostal muscles or I should say ribcage. I know I might be going on about it but its senarios like these that I am seeing every day that blow my mind. There is so much to take in that I don't know what to do with it all at the moment. I want to help them all but know that this is impossible. I give money or fruit to some kids begging for money only to have what feels like a thousand more see you do this and ask for some too. It is so hard to say no. And I am left with a horrible feeling of guilt for the rest of the day. I then take out my frustrations on poor Nick...Who is dealing with the same issues but has been in similar before and knows what I am going through. His patience with me is what keeps me going. I think I have told him every day for two weeks that I am ready to go home today...He knows I am not though.

So yeah...that feels a bit better. As I was saying am in Delhi again tonight. Off to Agra (Taj Mahal) at 6am tomorrow then back to Delhi at midnight. We have a train booked for 6 am the following morning to Darjeeling, so we might go sit at the train station with the homeless Indians. See if I can get a better understanding of how they do it everyday of their lives.

And we are safe. Will write again as soon as we can.

Love and hugs xxxxx....and see you soon! Yay!