Fear

So everything went to poo after my last post...Not really worth regaling the events. If you know me then you will already know. Suffice to say that it was just one of those things. To some it might seem that I was at the wrong place at the wrong time. I wasn't. Quite the contrary in fact. I was certainly in the right place... A place where I knew that I was completely useful and unique. There was not one person at that time that could offer what I could to that community. Egocentric thing to say but honestly that was my pay off. I was in my element. I had purpose.

And the timing...couldn't have been any better. For so many reason.

I knew leaving at the end of the year would be difficult. Having to leave early did sour things somewhat but I can't say that I wasn't expecting to feel what I am now. What I wasn't expecting is a fear of returning. I am angry at those men for everything that they have done. For taking Darren and everything that went along with him. For taking me away from a community that needs me just as much as I need them. For disrupting my sleep and violently helping themselves to those that I adore most in my world. I am angry at those men for the fear that I now have within me.

I have been told I am brave for going back. I think it would be more difficult not to.

Tanzania is no more or less dangerous than the country I currently reside. And an email I received this morning from a Tanzanian employee and friend at Kesho Leo is a timely reminder of that.

I will be back in Tanzania this time next week. I don't want to be afraid anymore.